For a long time, I was blissfully living in a body that was blessed with thin privilege. Basically, I ate what I wanted, moved my body regularly but never had a set exercise plan and while it’s hard for me to believe now, I never gave much thought to my body at all. Then I had 3 kids over the course of 6 1/2 years. By the time I finished nursing my 3rd child, my weight was higher than it had ever been pre-pregnancy. But, it didn’t stop there.
It seemed the more I fought my body size, the larger it became.
I spent years wallowing in shame and guilt over being in a larger sized body. I also became angry that my body was no longer ideal according to society or acceptable to myself. And, truth be told, my thoughts became obsessed about losing weight.
Have you hit dieting rock bottom?
I spent years buying into the diet industry’s propaganda that dedication to exercise, strictly controlling my diet and tirelessly pursuing thinness were the keys to happiness. Sadly, I even spent $$ on diet pills.
Yes, I believed what the diet industry told me. If I changed my body, my whole life would be transformed. The way to get there? Being a harsh critic towards my body every chance I got, restricting favorite foods, forcing myself to run (I hate running) and playing small until I achieved the unattainable.
I bought the myth that if I had a smaller body, all my troubles would go away.
The critical voice would finally be silenced. I would be happy and healthy and finally have self confidence.
Sound familiar?
Then, I finally got it, I mean really got it. I couldn’t think of a single person who was made happier by dieting, not my family or friends, not even the hundreds of patients I have seen. I’m a good counselor but I was never able to convince someone to exercise long term or eat in a radical different way if they were forcing themselves to do it.
In general, people don’t take good care of something or someone whom they loath.
By taking weight loss off the table, I was free to focus on wellness – and wellness is a far more achievable and meaningful goal. You see, my attempt at perfection was a sneaky way of rationalizing my fear. Who would I be if I no longer body bashed? What big things would I have time to focus on if not my body? How could I call myself a dietitian if I didn’t avoid sugar, live on kale and have the perfect body to prove my expertise?
My heart had been trying to tell me that I was so much more than just a body, that my gifts to the world were being tramped down by self-loathing and that if I would just let the whole weight loss obsession go then I would be happier and healthier and might actually learn to skip among the clouds. My head, on the other hand, had some serious reservations.
As a busy mom and business owner I can relate to the staggering amount of information available and how all that information can make it even more confusing and challenging to reach your health goals. Who can you believe? Your grandparents? Your friends? Your guru? Doctors? The internet? It’s all too much and most of the information seems to conflict with other information from other sources! It’s frustrating and confusing and sometimes it seems easier to just give up! I hear you! I’m a dietitian with a degree in nutrition and close to 20 years of experience and even I have, at times, wanted to throw in the towel!
When I first started my private practice, I discovered a process known as Intuitive Eating. I was thrilled that Intuitive Eating or IE, offered a different approach to wellness than a traditional diet. I knew dieting hadn’t worked for me. Now, 5 years after discovering and becoming a trained counselor in IE, I can say that I am finally in a good place with food. My body isn’t perfect, I’m not a perfect eater, but I learned that perfection is not a healthy goal. I have also learned that health is a multifaceted thing – not just physical but emotional, mental and spiritual.
Gone are the days of obsessing about what foods are good and what foods are bad. Now, I listen to my own body (most of the time) and have figured out which foods make me feel great and which foods lead to me feeling sluggish, tired or bloated. I learned that taking a walk with a friend is a far better choice than the 5K that I never run. I like donuts and spinach, nachos and quinoa – I never did learn to like kale though!
I balance between physical activity that I enjoy and helps me to feel good and eating in a way that is pleasurable and healthful. Doesn’t that sound delicious?
Giving up dieting and no longer obsessing about your weight can feel like unattainable but I can help. I am there to provide guidance, accountability and support.