Ah, the holidays! A time when we gather ‘round the table for time honored traditions, delicious food and lively conversation. Unfortunately, more often than not, it can also be a time for some family members to cross boundaries, food shame and leave you feeling a lot of body distrust and maybe even as if this whole intuitive eating thing isn’t working. I mean if you can’t beat them, join them! Right?
I’m Heather, an anti-diet dietitian, Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor and founder of Intuitive Nutrition. I’ve been supporting women on their journey to food freedom and peace with their bodies for over 10 years! I’ve seen it time and time again; I am working with a client, we are making some real progress, they are getting into the grove of intuitive eating and feeling fabulous around food when along comes a holiday meal and suddenly my client is doubting themselves, the process and… “Houston, we have a problem!”
The first tenet of intuitive eating is autonomy. The definition of autonomy is freedom from external control or influence; independence. When it comes to your choices around food, IE offers you the opportunity to be your own decision maker. That means no one has the right to tell you what your body should look like or what food you should be or should not be eating. Not I, a BMI chart, your dad, your Great Aunt Bertha or even your doctors, unless you have a confirmed food allergy, obviously.
Setting boundaries before the holidays, letting the people you love know that you are looking forward to seeing them but do not wish to discuss diet culture or fat phobia can be a good start. Don’t be surprised if that isn’t enough, as old habits die hard! You may need to get savvy at changing the subject or even be prepared to leave the conversation, the room or head home early if your loved ones can’t honor the boundaries you have set.
But what if you missed all these steps and find yourself in a downward diet culture spiral where suddenly Aunt Bertha feels the need to let you know that you would be so much healthier and also more attractive if you lost a stone. This can lead to fantasizing about all that diet culture promises and can definitely cause you to doubt yourself and IE.
And, even though you have sworn off diets, because you know they have never fulfilled any promises, before you know it, you’re online looking at Weight Watchers newest, “It’s not a diet” plan or on Amazon ordering “Whole 30 For Dummies”!
Before you go down that path, let me stop you right there. If you are thinking IE isn’t “working” for you, here are the top reasons why:
- You are trying to legalize food before you have truly embraced size acceptance.
- There is a lingering part of you that still believes that if you just found the right diet, you would lose weight and stay small forever.
- You are ”splitting the fence”, you have legalized some foods but you still limit the quantities of those foods or limit how frequently you allow yourself to have them.
- You are treating IE like a “only eat when I am hungry, stop in anticipation of fullness” diet.
- You are trying to go it alone and swimming up stream against diet culture without a Certified Intuitive Counselor (like me) or a trusted HAES therapist by your side.
This work is hard AF. From the day we are born, we get bombarded with thousands of messages every day in a many different subtle and not so subtle ways, especially if you were born into a non privileged body.
This holiday season, create boundaries for self care, be grateful for the amazing body you have and all the ways it shows up for you, practice size acceptance of others and of yourself and reach out to a trained IE professional if you don’t want to be sucked back into the diet culture vortex.