February is the month of love, a perfect time to reflect on relationships—romantic, platonic, and even the relationship we have with ourselves. When was the last time you considered the way you speak to yourself about your body and food? If your internal dialogue were a relationship, would you want to stay in it? Would you tolerate the way you speak to yourself from a partner, a friend, or even a stranger?
Many of us have internalized harsh, critical, and even cruel narratives about our bodies. We berate ourselves for what we eat, how we look, and whether we measure up to unrealistic standards. I call this our “Inner Mean Girl”. But, here’s the thing: The way we speak to ourselves shapes our reality. If we wouldn’t accept this kind of treatment from someone else, why do we accept it from ourselves?
The Patriarchal Roots of Diet Culture
Many people today are highly critical of patriarchal systems—rightfully questioning government policies that seek to control bodies, autonomy, and freedoms. And yet, without hesitation, we buy into diet culture, one of the most deeply ingrained patriarchal constructs that exists!
Naomi Wolf famously wrote, “A culture fixated on female thinness is not an obsession about female beauty, but an obsession about female obedience.” She went on to say, “Dieting is the most potent political sedative in women’s history.” Think about that for a moment.
At its core, diet culture isn’t about wellness or health—it’s about control. It keeps us focused on shrinking ourselves instead of expanding our power. It convinces us that our worth is conditional, based on how small, disciplined, or “good” we can be. It distracts us from the energy we could be spending on rest, creativity, activism, and joy. The same systems that tell us our bodies aren’t good enough profit from keeping us in a perpetual state of self-doubt and striving.
Shifting the Narrative: How to Cultivate a Loving Relationship with Your Body
The good news? You can choose a different relationship with yourself—one rooted in care, respect, and liberation. Here’s how:
1. Notice Your Inner Voice
Pay attention to the way you speak to yourself about your body and food. If you wouldn’t say it to someone you love, don’t say it to yourself.
Try this: When a negative thought arises, ask: Would I say this to my best friend? If not, reframe it with compassion. “It is possible to trust my body.”
2. Call Out Diet Culture for What It Is
Recognize that the shame and guilt you feel around food and body image are not innate—they’ve been taught to you. This isn’t personal failure; it’s cultural conditioning.
Try this: The next time you see a diet ad or hear someone talk about “being bad” for eating dessert, remind yourself: This is diet culture talking, not truth. Food is morality free.
3. Replace Criticism with Curiosity
Instead of judging yourself for what you eat or how your body looks, get curious. What do you actually enjoy? What feels good for your body? What are the narratives you want to unlearn?
Try this: Instead of saying, “I shouldn’t eat this,” try “What would feel satisfying right now?”
4. Reconnect with Pleasure and Autonomy
Your body is yours. It does not exist to meet someone else’s standards. Reclaim the joy of eating foods you love, moving in ways that feel good, and dressing in what makes you feel most like you.
Try this: Write down five things you love about how your body experiences the world—dancing, hugging, tasting delicious food, feeling the sun on your skin.
5. Seek Community and Support
Undoing diet culture is hard when everyone around you is still immersed in it. Find spaces that affirm weight inclusivity, intuitive eating, and body respect. Surround yourself with messages that support your liberation.
Try this: Unfollow accounts that promote dieting and weight obsession. Seek out content from weight-inclusive professionals, activists, and communities.
Final Thoughts: The Love You Deserve
This Valentine’s season, extend the love, patience, and kindness you show others to yourself. Your worth has never been dependent on your body size, food choices, or ability to meet unrealistic beauty standards.
If you’re ready to unlearn harmful messages and develop a more compassionate relationship with food and body, I’d love to support you. Reach out for nutrition therapy or supervision, and let’s work together to build a relationship with yourself that you’d want to stay in.